At some point in life, you enter a death spiral and end up in a gray world. The Gory, Gray world, filled with broken dreams, shattered hopes, and lost faith. You didn’t choose it. You know this world existed. You just denied to acknowledge it’s existence. But in the end, you were forced to accept it’s existence.

No more sharp difference between white and black. Everything seems to be painted gray. You can no longer tell the difference between a dream and a reality. A dream feels as real as a reality and the reality just feels like a bad dream.

You feel numb in reality and experience pain in dreams. You can’t differentiate a dream and a reality using pain or senses. Your senses don’t help in differentiating them anymore. Neither your feelings. You don’t know if you are alive or dead. Much similar to Cotard’s delusion. You doubt your own existence.

You wonder, how did I end up here?

It all started with the dreams. The ones built by your thoughts. Built meticulously,
One by One,
Day by Day,
For Years.

Concealed in the deepest place of your mind for years. You were astonished by what you built over the years. Only to see it fade away and get lost in the dawn of reality.

You know its happening. But you don’t want it to be happening. You have had nightmares. Similar nightmares. The nightmare of losing your dreams in the wake of reality. It feels strange when your nightmares come true. You have had nightmares in dreams. But never in reality. The moment you get to experience them for real, becomes the moment you lose your sanity to distinguish a dream and a reality.

After all this, a small portion of you in that deepest place of your mind that helped building the dream, still hopes for an alternative reality.

You start wondering. You wish you were only dreaming.

But you weren’t. You just lost the ability to differentiate them.

– Pradeep

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